So how do you know when you have officially moved on? For me, it was my heart that confirmed it the day I saw him again.
Being in a broken marriage, I am often asked these questions:
- How will you react when you see your husband?
- What will you do if ever he comes back?
In both questions, I usually respond with: “Let us cross the bridge when we get there.”
The truth is, I do not know the answers. I am unsure of how I really feel. A part of me still holds on but another has already accepted and let go shortly after we parted ways.
If you recall in one of my blog posts, I shared about how I believe God promised that He will lead my husband back. While I still keep that bible verse in mind and while I still commit to obey whatever God wills for my life, I am quite ashamed to admit that there are times when I want to tell God that He does not need to fulfill that promise anymore. I became more like how I am: passive and indecisive. I live my life with a “Come what may” thinking.
So when I saw him at that bus terminal (the first time again after more than two years) and I did not feel anything, I felt guilty. Should not I have felt anything? As a wife and as someone who has not closed her doors in case he is brought back, should not I have even a little care left? Some say that maybe because I never got the chance to talk to him and at least get near that I did not feel a thing. But that moment, I was sure that my heart spoke that it does not want to beat for him anymore. For years, I went on with my life thinking that my heart was of someone, that I was for someone. Now I realize that this should not be the case. My heart belongs to the Lord.
You know what made me cry? It was when I received tons of love and support when I posted the update that I saw him. So I want to thank you all for helping me reach this point when I do not cry over heart aches anymore, when I do not spend my break hours daydreaming about what could might have been, when I can face the day smiling and thinking that I am not incomplete. I thank the Lord for all of you.
While I may still adhere to my “come what may” mindset, and will continue to pray for guidance on how I feel about my husband; to be corrected, if needed. I will still embrace God’s plan for me and go on with my life knowing that I do not have burdens to carry and that my heart is full because of the love I receive from this world and especially from above.