Finally, I have officially moved on

June 10, 2017
Amy Melissa Chua Officially Moved On

So how do you know when you have officially moved on? For me, it was my heart that confirmed it the day I saw him again.

Being in a broken marriage, I am often asked these questions:

  1. How will you react when you see your husband?
  2. What will you do if ever he comes back?

In both questions, I usually respond with: “Let us cross the bridge when we get there.”

The truth is, I do not know the answers. I am unsure of how I really feel. A part of me still holds on but another has already accepted and let go shortly after we parted ways.

If you recall in one of my blog posts, I shared about how I believe God promised that He will lead my husband back. While I still keep that bible verse in mind and while I still commit to obey whatever God wills for my life, I am quite ashamed to admit that there are times when I want to tell God that He does not need to fulfill that promise anymore. I became more like how I am: passive and indecisive. I live my life with a “Come what may” thinking.

So when I saw him at that bus terminal (the first time again after more than two years) and I did not feel anything, I felt guilty. Should not I have felt anything? As a wife and as someone who has not closed her doors in case he is brought back, should not I have even a little care left? Some say that maybe because I never got the chance to talk to him and at least get near that I did not feel a thing. But that moment, I was sure that my heart spoke that it does not want to beat for him anymore. For years, I went on with my life thinking that my heart was of someone, that I was for someone. Now I realize that this should not be the case. My heart belongs to the Lord.

You know what made me cry? It was when I received tons of love and support when I posted the update that I saw him. So I want to thank you all for helping me reach this point when I do not cry over heart aches anymore, when I do not spend my break hours daydreaming about what could might have been, when I can face the day smiling and thinking that I am not incomplete. I thank the Lord for all of you.

While I may still adhere to my “come what may” mindset, and will continue to pray for guidance on how I feel about my husband; to be corrected, if needed. I will still embrace God’s plan for me and go on with my life knowing that I do not have burdens to carry and that my heart is full because of the love I receive from this world and especially from above.

“I am thine, save me; for I have sought thy precepts.” Psalm 119:94
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