14 For thou shalt worship no other god: for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God” Exodus 34:14
I now know what I did. I now know how my decisions led to what happened to me and my marriage– I committed adultery against God. I broke His heart and made Him jealous.
Years back, I had my life set for someone else. I chased a lover and depended almost all of my decisions on him. Even in deciding on what to do during the day or the clothes to buy for myself or how I look depended on what he will consider good and desirable. But doing all of those, I ended up hurting myself. I can still feel how hurt I am after my husband, who vowed to love me until death do we part, chose someone else. Although I am able to move on, the pain stays. DEEP.
I now realize that I also broke the Lord’s heart. I yearned for another lover after deciding to live with Him. He longed for me but I ignored Him every hurtful day. Whenever I talked to God and asked for forgiveness, I promised that I will never commit a sin again but I never had conviction to stay true to my words. Unknowingly or knowingly, I turned to this man and my heart turned away from God, who is the giver of my life and the one who gave up His life to save me. For everything He has done for me, I was unfaithful. I am at fault and I am sorry.
Now I know the purpose of all of these– to open my eyes because I could not see how conceited I was and how shallow my view of happiness was. All along, I thought I did nothing wrong. I loved someone else more than my family, my life, and God. I was an adulteress and it took the truth to open my eyes. I needed to struggle and be broken. My life needed to fall apart for me to realize how bad I had become to treat the Lord like that.
Will you wait when your heart is already torn into pieces to see that God wants to know you intimately? Will you wait for your life to be turned around to realize that He is jealous for you and wills only the best for you? Do you need to lose everything you think you got to appreciate what is really important?
After all I have gone through, I have this to leave for you: Do not commit adultery. Not against anyone, especially not against God.