We sometimes think of ourselves as experts when it comes to love. I also thought I clearly understood what love really means. I thought I knew how to discern if one truly loves another. Although I knew what love is, I only realized what it truly meant to love until I discovered I was being cheated on by my husband. At that time when my husband and I were struggling to stay together so that the relationship we have been sharing for the past nine years will not be put to waste, I was made to finally understand what love truly is.
Love finds a way. When I first learned about my husband’s affair, I was so hurt that I always liked to discuss what he did wrong. I felt that he owes me and that he should make up for it, big time. But things did not improve and got more complicated so I decided to mellow down. I became gentler and tried hard to be calm whenever we talk. I became a friend more than a wife. It broke my heart even more to hear him validate his feelings for somebody else. I felt like I was listening to a friend’s frustration in his love life. Stupid as it may seem, but it helped us become closer.
Love chooses to sacrifice. Although we all want love to be a two-way street, when the point comes that it is not, love lets us choose to sacrifice. Despite his affair, I initially decided to keep the problem unknown to my family. I decided to continue being his wife, loving him to the fullest of my ability.
Love endures. At that trying time in our marriage, I found myself in many occasions of confusion. I did not know what to do. I know I prayed but I found it hard to understand what God wanted me to do. I was really weak but I tried to remain strong for us and for our baby.
But he could not find it yet in his heart to change and he finally left. And I learned more truths about love.
Love forgives. It does not bury anger. It does not nurture pain. I always thank the Lord that he did not let my heart be hardened. Without a heavy heart, I am able to accept my situation, heal, and move forward. I am able to forgive because I also need forgiveness. I forgive despite the deepest hurts and the ugliest wounds because the Lord has forgiven me for all the wrongs I did and am doing in my life.
Love desires the best for the other. It does not wish another harm or ill will. Even now, I wish him well. I continue to pray for his success and safety. I pray that he will be blessed with the maturity to be a good husband and father someday. I am not praying for him to come back to us rather, to return to the Lord.
Love is shared, not only to one but to as many as possible. After our separation, I responded to bitterness by sharing love and showing mercy to others even to those who remind me of the pain. I share love because the love I have been receiving overflows.
In the end, we know that love is a decision, beyond a feeling. It involves a difficult act, hard work, when situations become tough and feelings become different. It challenges you to try harder and forbear.
But you know, if there is something I regret that I did not do before my marriage fell apart, it is that I should have let God take over sooner. I should have learned earlier that it was not my job to fight the hard fight for my marriage to work and my husband to change. It is God’s work. Nobody can ever fight as hard as God can, especially in times like this.
But then with all of these, God proved that He is merciful, His timing is perfect, and that His ways may be hard and may not be what we want, but they are always the best. So I am assured that more things wonderful will come out of this experience. I have been healed of my kidney disease that I struggled with at the time of the infidelity issues. I learned to value myself and my son more. What can He not do? Now, I am less worried. I am at peace. When things get a little more difficult, I hold on tighter to the Lord. I remind myself that in every battle I need to fight, all I have to do is seek the Lord, pray, and trust God to do what He needs to do. And that is also what you have to do.