How moving on healed me

August 24, 2016

You bumped into this girl while you were walking along Buendia-Taft Avenue. You noticed that she looks different, her eyes are puffy, the shape of her face is somewhat not proportional. She has this thin, weirdly-cut hair, and her whole body is swollen. She has difficulty walking and maintaining her balance. She walks further and tries to ride a mini cab but it takes her time to go up because even her knees, feet, and legs are swollen.

You will see her almost every other week at the hospital, her blood and urine samples taken for some tests.  Most of her Saturdays are spent talking to her doctor, asking over and over again how and when she will get better.

She is battling with a kidney disease and infidelity is killing her marriage.

Her kidney disease: FSGS or focal segmental glomerulosclerosis affects her blood pressure, cholesterol levels, and even bone density. The cause? Still unknown. She just noticed that even after giving birth, her swelling did not subside. For this disease, she takes 18 medicines daily including the steroids that make her body swell and bones brittle. From being less than a hundred pound, she gained to almost 160, making it hard for her to walk, carry her baby, or even dance as she used to. She also finds it hard to process and think as fast as she did before the condition.

She lives with her in-laws, who are taking care of her son while she and her husband work. She wakes up at around three in the morning to cook her food for the day because her diet is restricted. She must have the lowest amount of salt, protein, and fat in her food. After this, she travels to her office with her husband, who most of the time do not talk to her during the travel, and go home late at night, spends time with her son who sleeps beyond midnight. This is how she lived her days for more than a year. But with all these, all she thinks about is what more she could do to save her marriage or what she could not have done.

Life for her is hard, sad; it was a roller coaster ride. She prays hard every time for things to get better. Her diet, the medications, and laboratory tests- she did everything to get well. But instead of her health improving, at the sixth month of her kidney disease, while her medicines are being tapered off, the condition recurred and the dose of the steroids was put back to 60mg daily. Life got even harder.

I was this girl before my husband left a year now.

When he left, I was forced to move on. My son and I went back to the province to live with my parents and the office was kind enough to allow me to work from home for three months under an agreement. For some time, I begged for him to return. I really did. But he said he is happy and contented. How can I not want that for anyone?

So after the physical pain and hospitalization caused by the shingles and learning that the reactivation of that virus may be linked with emotional stress, I decided to try to brush off the negativity to avoid stress. Despite friends updating me on him, I tried to stay away from those things that will hurt me.

I cried less than I did, I worried less than I used to. I held more tightly to God’s promise that things will get better. And so they did get better. I finally realized that I  held on to something that kept me from healing. I used to say I trust God and His will, without even knowing what this really meant- until now. For too long, I tried hard to put things in my control rather than really allowing God to work in my life. Consequently, I had more time for my son and my family. I had time to meet friends. I sang again. I learned to cook creatively with what I am allowed to eat. I regained my work productivity. Miraculously, my swelling subsided faster than expected. In a few weeks, I lost the weight that I gained in more than a year and now, I am off all the drugs.

Yes, kidneys cannot be repaired and I may have to live with this condition for the rest of my life, but I know I am healed. My heart and mind are healed. Our battle is not over yet, but I will continue to fight while I keep my feet grounded because I know we all are up for greater things because of how great God is. I am not saying that him leaving is the best thing that ever happened to me. But I just hope to offer myself as an evidence that God indeed has plans for us; that God has a perfect timing, every event serves its purpose, every person plays a role. What Elizabeth Elliot once said is true that God never withholds us from what we dearly wish for, except to give us something better, something we deserve. I will hold on to this.


Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2016 Amy Melissa Malaluan

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  • Reply Chay Dionco August 29, 2016 at 5:46 pm

    My Dear Amihan,

    I’m speechless. I didn’t know you went through these obstacles with flying colors. God held you on those times. I was just observing your posts and thought of something untoward, I didnt know this worse.

    But all is well. God just wants us to come to Him and surrender everything. The end of man is the beginning of God. When we pray, we mean that we are not able that only God is able. Hugs Dearest.

    • Reply Amy August 30, 2016 at 9:56 am

      Chay, I missed you. Thank you so much. Hope to see you soon.

  • Reply Alma abaya August 29, 2016 at 7:00 pm

    I wish you and your son well. It’s nice to hear inspiring stories like yours. God bless!

    • Reply Amy August 30, 2016 at 9:55 am

      Thank you, Alma. Wish you well, too.

  • Reply Mirriam August 29, 2016 at 10:49 pm

    I am glad your health condition is already stable and that you have moved on. Indeed, God has plans for us. We just have to be patient enought to wait for and brave enough to go through it. Keep on fighting! 😊

    Mirriam ||

    • Reply Amy August 30, 2016 at 9:55 am

      Hi Mirriam! Thank you! Heard about you from my sister. Been wanting to meet you. Hope we can chat more. I honestly need guidance for this blog.:)

  • Reply Paulie August 30, 2016 at 1:04 am

    I’m praying for your continued healing Ate. I know what you’re going through. My dad has a Chronic Kidney Disease and is undergoing dialysis session. It’s been 4 years. My dad is a survivor just like you. Our family is still holding and keeping our faith to God. Thank God for all these miracles. May He continue to bless you and your son. Your story is an inspiration to many people. I hope more people will read and pass this story. I’ll pray for you Ate and your son. God bless!

    • Reply Amy August 30, 2016 at 9:53 am

      Hi Paully, I am happy to hear the good news about your dad. God has His ways and we just need to trust Him. Same goes with this blog. Also hoping many will provide testament to God’s miracles.

  • Reply Wen August 30, 2016 at 1:43 am

    Hi Lisa.

    Your a champion! I feel you. We have different situations but in time God will give us what we really deserve. My heart is melting while reading your blog. I salute you. Continue what you have started and moving on forward. God is always here for us. You have a big heart. I know everything is well in your end. Happiness is with your son and with those who truly loves you unconditionally. God bless you always. Very inspiring.

    • Reply Amy August 30, 2016 at 9:50 am

      Ate Weny, thank you for your kind words. Let us continue praying and hoping for the best, with God.

  • Reply Lorie Romero August 30, 2016 at 6:11 am

    Hi sis. Amie,

    I salute you in your faith and for being strong in your faith to God inspite of your condition…thank you for your testimony of how God really works in your lives with your son through the years. I’m glad knowing the better changed of your physical health; above else, for keeping your faith, for holding on God’s power. God bless you of His wondrous works, for you, your son and family 🙂

    In Christ,
    sis. Lorie

    • Reply Amy August 30, 2016 at 9:49 am

      Thank you, ma’am. Regards to all. See you when I see you. 🙂

  • Reply Alma Gonzales August 30, 2016 at 6:20 am

    Hugs Ms. Melissa, i am happy for you now that you were able to move on, i dont know that your pandesal love story will end up because of your condition. Truly inspiring and i admire u for the strength and faith that you have. continue to share how good God is. because He is able, He is mighty. and trusting Him is best in everything. Hapiness is different from Joy and i believe that you found the real JOY from with in, once you crossed with your happiness but now what you have seen is joy that’s why your moving on… God bless you and i will keep you in my prayers.

    • Reply Amy August 30, 2016 at 9:48 am

      Thank you, Ms. Alma. The battle isn’t over yet. We will never know if the love story has really ended but what we know is that, in the end, God makes everything beautiful.

  • Reply Sophie Ayo August 30, 2016 at 8:08 am

    Hello Melissa,
    A very inspiring story of true faith. Continue to live a prayerful and positive life. Indeed God has the best plan for us. We only need to fully trust and folllow Him. God bless you always.

    • Reply Amy August 30, 2016 at 9:46 am

      Thank you, Tita Sophie. May God bless you as well.

  • Reply KarenJardin August 30, 2016 at 1:09 pm

    Amy!!! Thank you for your strength that is inspiring! Please keep writing. We know how it can be therapeutic! I know that life is only molding you into becoming an even more beautiful person. You are so brave and generous to share your story so that we may also learn the lessons that you had to learn the hard way. I hope you fill your heart with love only despite!

    • Reply Amy August 31, 2016 at 1:46 am

      Thank you for your kind words. I continue to pray for God’s guidance for everyone. It was indeed quite challenging to share this story but with the messages I have been receiving, especially from those who are experiencing difficulties at this time, I knew it was what God wanted. Thank you again and I wish you well. God bless!

  • Reply Paulo Veluz August 31, 2016 at 2:46 am

    Yo Amy! Paulo here, Rayadillo Brod. Wow, what a very inspiring story! Thank god you survived that huge bump in your life. I was actually surprised with your story, but no matter what, always stay positive and think of happy thoughts and these 4 Fs: family, friends, faith, and food! Hehe. Pampasaya ko yang food e kaya eto nasobrahan ako ng kain sa kusina. Share naman your recipes or tips for low salt, fat and calorie dishes! Anyway, I hope that more good things will come for you and your family. God bless you and smile lang!

    • Reply Amy August 31, 2016 at 4:18 am

      Hi, Paulo! Of course I know you. 🙂 Yes for happy thoughts and food! Don’t worry, I will try to share my recipe here. But I need guidance though on the technical stuff. Again, many thanks and God bless you, too!

  • Reply Patty Soliman August 31, 2016 at 10:13 pm

    Saying it again, you are the most courageous and loving mom I ever known! You, not only gave most of us motivation in dealing the odds, you also gave so much inspiration showing what true meaning of unconditional Love is. The Lord never abandoned you dealing with all the physical and emotional stress you went through, and yet, He even made you a much stronger woman who can never be destroyed. Your faith in Him made you what you are today. You deserve to be happy today and the rest of your wonderful life. Kudos to you Amy and your amazing journey! Love lots my dear Amy 💖

    • Reply Amy September 1, 2016 at 1:08 pm

      Hi Ms. Patty, thank you. I have been feeling this urge to write for a long time but did not know how. Until it occurred to me to share thru a blog. I am overwhelmed by the love. Thank you so much. Love lots! I can imagine another wedding. Char.

  • Reply Maria September 1, 2016 at 6:41 am

    What a great morning to start with passing thru your blog. Timing is everything as I always put in mind. Hang into your Faith and God will surely bless you on your journey. Happiness and great memories are the two most beautiful things you could always share with your son. Keep fighting for the good fight. While your husband committed infidelity, i know it’s easier to say than done but keep your heart open to forgiveness. You’ll never know what’s gonna happen onto the next chapter of your life. Maybe with him or for the one God would give you into. More cheers to happiness and healing. God bless you.

    • Reply Amy September 1, 2016 at 1:00 pm

      Hi Maria, thank you for your message. I sincerely appreciate it. I am grateful that God never allowed my heart to be hardened. I do not hate my husband. I have no feelings of anger. Despite what’s happening, I still keep an open mind on what may happen and I pray for strength and acceptance. God bless you too!

  • Reply Michelle September 1, 2016 at 4:08 pm

    Go go amy!!!!!

    • Reply Amy September 2, 2016 at 9:18 am

      Thank you, Mich!!

  • Reply Roxie October 8, 2016 at 8:45 am

    You are so courageous. I don’t know you personally but thanks for sharing and inspiring us.

    • Reply Amy October 8, 2016 at 10:50 am

      Hi, Roxie. Thank you for taking the time to read this blog. I wish you the best in everything you do. God bless us! ❤

  • Reply Janeith October 25, 2016 at 7:10 pm

    Ms. Amy,

    A very inspiring story! I am happy to see you back in your old self!

    • Reply Amy October 25, 2016 at 10:15 pm

      Hi, Ma’am! Thank you po! 😊 Take care always!

  • Reply Joy Cañas October 26, 2016 at 8:53 am

    Hello Amy. I just read your blog. Praise God for keeping you through all your struggles. Hindi ko alam pero sobrang affected ako when it comes to broken relationships, especially if someone I know goes through it. Hindi tayo close, kabatian lang nung college sa DevCom, if you remember. Hehe. Nakikita ko lang posts mo sa fb, which made me wonder kung kumusta ka. Thanks for sharing your story. Know that there are people who are continually praying for you. God bless you and keep you. 🙂

    • Reply Amy October 26, 2016 at 10:18 am

      Hi, Joy! Of course I remember. 🙂 Thank you as well for reading the stories and praying for me. I also pray that you’ll the best in life. God bless you, too!

  • Reply Rodolfo Guieb June 10, 2017 at 10:45 pm

    “Happiness is in your completeness” is a quote from Swami Abishek Chaintanya in his lecture in 2012 about the essence of Bhagavad Gita (The Song of the Lord). It has been my mantra, so-to-speak, to look inward, instead of the external world, in going thru life. Your husband, as you still call him, family, relationships, career, wealth among other distractions in living the daily life would both still be the source of joy and sorrow. Absolute bliss only comes from knowing the Self, that is when, as you have said, you have married the Lord. The Lord is not separate from you. As One, you become eternal with Him.
    But as you marry the Lord, as you put it and shower Him in devotion, more devotion and as much devotion, these three wishes you answer if He asked you to name three wishes you would want Him to grant to you, then prepare yourself for more struggle and hardships, and pain. Because He would not want you to forget Him in your mind and heart even for a moment’s moment. May the path be easy.
    By His Absolute Grace and Compassion

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